Dumb Blonds

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..Inventions for Dumb Blonds..

Ice Cube Mix
Tricycle Kickstand
Garage Door Closer
Solar Flashlight

Dehydrated Water
Fire Proof Matches

Reversible Sandwich Bread
Black Light Bulb

Cordless Cell Phone
Disposable Garbage Bags


..Definition of eternity?Four blondes in four cars at a four-way stop.

Blonde Driving..

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, “Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?”

The blonde said, “I’m sorry sir, but wherever I go, there’s always a tree in front of me and I can’t seem to get away from it!”

The cop looked at her and said, “Lady, that’s your air freshener!”

1. Q: How do blonde braincells die?
2. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
3. Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?

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*A1: Alone..
A2: Artificial intelligence..
A3 She missed the Earth!

 


..MORE OLE DUMB BLONDS..


..”Blonde Lottery”..

..A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. “Dear Lord,” she prays, “if I don’t get some cash, I’m gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery.”

..Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn’t win. She prays even harder, saying, “God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once.”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.

“Sweetheart, work with me on this,” he says. “Buy a ticket.”

..Painting Blonde..This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart..

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said….

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..Genealogy Jokes..

Many times people send me these one liners and jokes concerning genealogy. I love them. So, of course, here is a page for all of them as I have quite a few now.

..big pumpkin..will it break the record..??..

..HALLOWEEN..

..HALLOWEEN..

..7 Word Obituary..

A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word.

She pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read, ‘Billy Bob died’.”

Amused at the woman’s thrift, the editor says, “Sorry ma’am, there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries.”

Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, “In that case, let it read, ‘Billy Bob died – 1983 Pick-up for sale.’”

My family tree must have been used for firewood!

Genealogists never die, they just lose their census.

Genealogy Humor Page
..The Outhouse..

..outhouse..

.. Genealogy Humor ..

1. My family coat of arms ties at the back….is that normal?
2. My family tree is a few branches short! All help appreciated.
3. My ancestors must be in a witness protection program!
4. Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall!
5. My hobby is genealogy, I raise dust bunnies as pets.
6. How can one ancestor cause so much TROUBLE??
7. I looked into my family tree and found out I was a sap.
8. I’m not stuck, I’m ancestrally challenged.
9. I’m searching for myself; Have you seen me?
10. If only people came with pull-down menus and on-line help…
11. Isn’t genealogy fun? The answer to one problem leads to two more!
12. It’s 2000… Do you know where your-Gr-Gr-Grandparents are?
13. A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.
14. A family tree can wither if nobody tends it’s roots.
15. A new cousin a day keeps the boredom away.
16. After 30 days, unclaimed ancestors will be adopted.
17. Am I the only person up my tree… sure seems like it.
18. Any family tree produces some lemons, some nuts and a few bad apples.
19. Can a first cousin once removed..RETURN?
20. FLOOR: The place for storing your priceless genealogy records.
21. Gene-Allergy: It’s a contagious disease, but I love it.
22. Genealogists are time unravelers.
23. Genealogy is like playing hide and seek: They hide… I seek!
24. Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people.
25. “Crazy” is a relative term in my family.
26. A pack rat is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor.
27. I want to find ALL of them! So far I only have a few thousand.
28. I Should have asked them BEFORE they died!
29. I think my ancestors had several “Bad heir” days.
30. I’m always late. My ancestors arrived on the JUNEflower.
31. Only a Genealogist regards a step backwards as progress.
32. Share your knowledge; it is a way to achieve immortality.
33. Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!
34. It’s an unusual family that hath neither a lady of the evening or thief.
35. Many a family tree needs pruning.
36. Shh! Be very, very quiet…. I’m hunting forebears.
37. Snobs talk as if they had begotten their own ancestors!
38. That’s strange: half my ancestors are WOMEN!
39. I’m not sick, I’ve just got fading genes.
40. Genealogists live in the past lane.
41. Cousins marrying cousins: Very tangled roots!
42. Cousins marrying cousins: A non-branching family tree.
43. All right! Everybody out of the gene pool!
44. Always willing to share my ignorance…
45. Documentation… The hard part..
46. Genealogy: Chasing your own tale!
47. Genealogy… will I ever find time to mow the lawn again?
48. All the really important information is on that missing page
49. I researched my family tree… and apparently I don’t exist!
50. SO MANY ANCESTORS………………………SO LITTLE TIME!

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Could Taz be researching his genealogy too..?!!?..

At the time when all American pioneers were heading west I think mine were all heading east..

MMM..after collecting old photographs from five generations I find I look like none of them..

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..You may be addicted to genealogy if..

you’d rather go to a cemetery than a mall
you brake for libraries
you hyperventilate at the site of an old cemetery
you think every home should have a microfilm reader
you know every town clerk in your state by name
you get locked in the library over night and never even notice
you are more interested in what happened in 1667 than 1997
you store your clothes under your bed..the closet is carefully stocked with notebooks and journals
you can pinpoint Harrietsham, Hawkhurst and Kent on a map of England, but can not locate Topeka Kansas
You’ve traced some of your ancestors back to Adam and Eve, have it documented and still do not want to quit.

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When researching the name Murphrey all information available will be on the name Murphy..

The courthouse burned two years after my gggg grandfather’s will was probated

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..Rednecks n Genealogy..

Rednecks n Genealogy

Now you know you just might be one if..

You go to the family reunion to meet women..
your family tree consists of you and yer dog..
Your coat of arms has kudzu in it..
all the guests sat on one side of the church during your wedding
Your family tree does not fork..

You an your wife’s family reunion are one and the same..
You go to the local post office to research your family tree..
Your gene pool does not have a deep end..
your family tree is HOLLOW
The Budweiser symbol is your coat of arms
Your family tree goes in a circle..
your wedding looks more like a family reunion..

I will add more if I find any..If you have any send em to me…

..sitemap..

..visit all my joke pages..truckers..jokes..Dukes of Hazzard..

..jokes..

..genealogy jokes..

..jokes..

more jokes

..gettin old..

..Blondes..

..truckers..

..truckers..

..GENEALOGY..what day were you born on?..NAMES..On This Day in History..Monday’s Child etc poem..recipes….MY Roots..

..Dukes of Hazzard..
Quiz and Trivia..CB handles..how many do ya remember..??..

..dukes..

The Town of Bethel

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.these are surnames obtained from a map for The Town of Bethel in 1875..

..in some instances it is hard to tell if it is a mill..or a person with that name..S Mill could be saw mill

..Black Lake..

G Cain
J Kilcoin
Mill
Harrison
M.T. Morss ( there are a bunch with this name on it )

..BETHEL..

..Mrs Westervett
Mrs Wood
Allison
Gross
Rosa
Sutter
Smith
Dr Gillespie
Horton
Foster
//
Simpson & Naylor
Acklam
Stove
Hans
Diver
Stewart
H
Mrs Coots
Horton

..White Lake..

Phillisp
Potts
Merritt
Corby
S Mill
Silver
Mill

Bruce
Sager
Norris
Norris
P Wood

..the bigger part just says Bethel so I do not understand..the other part says Town of Bathel

L Madison
G? Madison
W Madison
J Calbreath
Dow
Schoonmaker

Toronto Pond

R Morrison

Little Black Lake

Smith
C Knapp

Hendrick
Babcock

Larkins
Brady
Mill

Donaldson
Mc Kay
Mrs Brown
Mrs B
R M Coos ?? Coots
Reed
Mrs Anderman
Sullivan
Irwin

Mongaup Valley

White Lake

South White Lake

Bushville

Stevensville

Briscoe

…Barbecue..Kaboom!!..everything but the kitchen sink…

I make this here and there. It seems to go over big.

This is what I actually put in it one time. I go through the fridge and clean out those drops and spoonfuls left in bottles

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Texas Pete Hot Sauce
French’s Bold and Spicy Mustard
French’s American Flavor Kikkoman Teriyaki
Old Dutch Sweet and Sour
La Choy Soy Sauce
Reese Prepared Horseradish
Del Monte Katsup, Heinz Catsup, Sun Drop Grape Soda
Basil, sweet relish,
garlic, salt, paprika, salt, pepper. Usually I fix a bunch of ribs with this.

 

..you might be a Redneck at Thanksgiving if..

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..you’ve ever served dinner on a ping-pong table..
..you’ve ever used an old ironing board as a buffet table..

.all yer dinnerware has Dixie printed on it..

..IF YOU’VE EVER RE-USED A PAPER PLATE..
..IF SQUIRREL N DUMPLINS IS ON THE MENU…MMM..

..I had to laugh because my grandson and granddaughter wanted to use ketsup on their turkey and their dad would not let them do it..made then put the ketsup up..

..my electrical engineer (maybe that was part of the problem) son in law decided to deep fry a turkey for Thanksgiving..he went and bought a fryer..not just any run of the mill one..a fancy once…cost him $70 or so..I guess one problem was he waited till 2 hours before dinner to put the thing together..and it wasn’t just one piece but 2..dinner was at 2..3..4..then we gave up and ate..finally the turkey was done 7ish or so..he toook it out and I don’t know what happened..but..I swear it looked like someone put some dynamite up it’s arse…

..a neighbor took it home..and declared she ate it and it was good..I think she tried to give some of it back..

..anyway here is some advise……..

..don’t try to cook a 20+ pounder in them
if it won’t fit in it won’t fit in!!!!

don’t have the oil to the top
..have a level cooking surface..so it won’t tip over..

cooking on a deck may not be the best idea..
putting a frozen turkey in piping hot oil will destroy everything within 15 feet

use special extra heavy pot-holders..
keep kids away..dogs too..even the wife ain a bad idea

..cook outside only..garages aren’t a good idea..

..don’t wear any clothes that are baggy and can dip down into da grease..
..better to let it cool over night
..or as mine did for a month..my daughter swore she would not clean it..the thing sat aroound and sat around..I swear..I go over one day and the baby is playing with one part to it..!!..

..now my son and I had a few gooood laughs over it..he has cooked them for some time this way he’s only a truck driver..!!..

..but..guess what..??..we’re going to try it again this year..!!..that’s if they can find all the parts..I see them here and there..and there..

..REDNECKS AT VALENTINES..

Serve red Kool Aid punch at their party..
Get upset cause all the Tractor Pull Valentine Cards are gone..
buy their sweetie the biggest bag of M and Ms they can find
..take their mama to the Sweetheart’s Dance..
Wipe out the local truck stop buying goodies for their Sweethearts..
Pay more for their dog’s Valentine card then their wifes…
.. get their sweeties Moon Pies n Slim Jims..

..Ya just might be one in..

You’re taking yer cousin Martha Sue to the Sweetheart’s Dance..
yer ma ma’s drivin ya..
you had to tell Aunt Ellen and Cousin Perl you couldn’t take em you already had a date..
..ya bought yer wife the last dozen roses at K-Mart
You got your honey the very last box of Unkle Klems Chawklits..

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for the party yer servin Spam and Jell-o in little heart shapes
..ya bought yer wife a card with a Nascar emblem on it..
..she was delighted..
instead of gettin yer sweetie the silk roses ya got the polyester cauz they were on sale..

..You are takin yer momma to the Possum Dinner..
..it’s being held at Town Halll..
your dream date wuld have been Jethro Bodene or Elly Mae..

…Burned Carrots…

Please do not laugh utill you give them a try! Everyone does laugh or have that look of saying oh! yea! when I mention this. But, years ago I told a group of us talking about this, they got a big joke out of it, said there’s no such recipe. Well, I found the recipe in a cook book. Which really it is no recipe. Here is what you do. I buy the cans of carrots, you throw them in a frying pan with margarine and burn them till black, really. Me and my hubby and daughter all love them.

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I made a dessert with the Murray’s gingersnaps and butterscotch pudding too. I crushed the cookies for the bottom, added the pudding, then put more cookies across the top. All with the sugar-free.

 

rednecks at christmas

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..REDNECK XMAS TREE….TREE..

you might be one if..

..Christmas dinner is whaatever the dog drags home..

..you wrap all your presents in aluminum foil..

..yer moma is using the aluminum foil she saved at Thanksgiving..

..you have to decide which pet to serve for Christmas dinner..

..yer momma doesn’t wear shoes to go Christmas shopping..

..JOKES…

.T-SHIRT SIGHTINGS..

..2008..

..Praise God..

..well behaved women rarely make history..

..I barely survived yesterday..and it’s already today..

..no habla espanol..

..everyone is born right-handed..only the gifted over-come it..

..duct tape specialist…

..Shalom y’all..

..leave room in the garden for the fairies to dance..P>….FARTACUS..

..if you met my famly you’d understand..

..in wine there is wisdom..in beer there is freedom…in water there is bacteria..

..when do telemarketers eat dinner..
..I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol..

..anyone who says money can’t buy happiness..never had season tickets..

..same manure..different day..

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..to err is human..to forgive devine..neither is my policy..
..do not meddle in the affairs of dragons..for you are crunchy and taste good with ketsup..
~~a woman needs only 4 animals in her life..a mink on her back..a jaguar in her garage..a tiger in her bed..and a jackass to pay for it all..!!..

~~sometimes I just wish that someone who understands me would tell me what I mean~~
..How about a nice tall glass of never gonna happen..

..I love my country it’s the government I’m afraid of..

..only 1 shopping day left till tomorrow..

..I just wish my mouth had a BACKSPACE key..
..If you obey all the rules..life is no fun..
..all I ask for is a chance to prove that money can’t make you happy..

..the smallest minds always have the biggest mouths..

..I wish I could relate to the people I’m related to..

~~I used to think drinking was bad for me..so I gave up thinking~~

..I’ve tried relaxing..but I feel more comfortable tense..
..5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions..
..please cover your fat..

..why do psychics have to ask for your name..??..
..get a new car for your spouse..it’ll be a great trade..

..the only mark I’ve made in life is in my underwear..
..still have my 8-tracks..

…with luck and planning I’ll retire at 149..

..my life is a reality show..
..technologically challenged..
..I’m not bald I’m follicularly challenged..
..if you think nobody cares..try missing a few payments..

..I scare my own family..

..WARNING..I have GAS and I know how to use it..

..people like you are the reason people like me need medication..
make someone’s day..mind your own business..
..it matters not weather you win or lose..it matters weather I win or lose..
..no one knows the trouble I’ve been..
..make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot..

..things to do today..

..get up..
..survive..
..go back to bed..

..how true..how true..

..you bet your kielbasa I’m Polish..
..when all else fails..manipulate the data..
..doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected..??..

..I don’t suffer from anxiety..I enjoy every minute of it..

..I have multiple personalities and none of them like you..!!..

..there’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure..

..Please..reboot me..

..too bad ignorance isn’t curable..
I see you’re playing stupid again..and..you’re winning..
It’s better to have loved and lost than to Live with the psycho the rest of your life..
..change is for people who aren’t already perfect..

..I’ve forgotten more things than you’ll ever know..
I could drive a psychiatrist crazy

..even my issues have issues..
..I have no idea what I am doing out of bed..

..how come everybody else yells BINGO and all I yell is **&^%$#@&..

I use to think chocolate was bad for you..so I stopped thinking..

my wife is Queen of everything..I’m King of what’s left..
..nobody listens to me tll I fart..
..where’s yer mute button..??..

..love him like a King train him like a dog..
..my giveadammer is broke..

..I came I saw..I duct taped..

What’s life without ducttape..??..

professional sofa loafer

..some days you’re the bug..somedays you’re the windshield

go for it..then get lost..

..make someone’s day..mind your own business

..a closed mouth gathers no feet..

..to err is human to purr feline..

..I use to care now I take a pill for that..

..visit all my joke pages..truckers..jokes..Dukes of Hazzard..

..jokes..

..genealogy jokes..

..jokes..

more jokes

..gettin old..

..Blondes..

..truckers..

..truckers..

..GENEALOGY..what day were you born on?..NAMES..On This Day in History..Monday’s Child etc poem..recipes….MY Roots..

..Dukes of Hazzard..

Quiz and Trivia..CB handles..how many do ya remember..??..

..dukes..

…Easy as Pie Meatballs…

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Want your house to smell good? People rave about these and can not believe how simple they are.

Combine equal amounts of barbecue sauce and grape jelly. I make plain meatballs, cook them in sauce. The smell is just great, everyone seems to love them. I have done this with the little smokies added too. I spoon some of the sauce over rice.

I hate to say this but I have seen others make fancy, fancy meatballs and most people seem to like these better. I started out using the Kraft plain sauce, later I used the molasses one, they seemed to like that, one time I did add a bit ot garlic powder and Lipton Onion Soup mix. Try the simple ones first.

During Christmas I found another simple recipe for these. Use 1/2 whole cranberry sauce to 1/2 tomato sauce..there was a discussion too about using the real meatballs rather than the store bought ones, most agreed the store bought ones were no good.