Rednecks 2....reds2..
..REDNECKS AT VALENTINES..
Serve red Kool Aid punch at their party..
Get upset cause all the Tractor Pull Valentine Cards are gone..
buy their sweetie the biggest bag of M and Ms they can find
..take their mama to the Sweetheart's Dance..
Wipe out the local truck stop buying goodies for their Sweethearts..
Pay more for their dog's Valentine card then their wifes...
.. get their sweeties Moon Pies n Slim Jims..
..Ya just might be one in..
You're taking yer cousin Martha Sue to the Sweetheart's Dance..
yer ma ma's drivin ya..
you had to tell Aunt Ellen and Cousin Perl you couldn't take em you already had a date..
..ya bought yer wife the last dozen roses at K-Mart
You got your honey the very last box of Unkle Klems Chawklits..
for the party yer servin Spam and Jell-o in little heart shapes
..ya bought yer wife a card with a Nascar emblem on it..
..she was delighted..
instead of gettin yer sweetie the silk roses ya got the polyester cauz they were on sale..
..You are takin yer momma to the Possum Dinner..
..it's being held at Town Halll..
your dream date wuld have been Jethro Bodene or Elly Mae..
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rednecks at christmas
..REDNECK XMAS TREE..
you might be one if..
..Christmas dinner is whaatever the dog drags home..
..you wrap all your presents in aluminum foil..
..yer moma is using the aluminum foil she saved at Thanksgiving..
..you have to decide which pet to serve for Christmas dinner..
..yer momma doesn't wear shoes to go Christmas shopping..
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..You might be a REDNECK at Thanksgiving if..
You use duck tape to lace yer turkey up..
Pyou decide to take down your tree from last year....
A blow torch is part of yer Thanksgiving celebration..
You use an old hubcap for a TUrkey platter..
yer silverware is plastic..
Yur splurging on the HUNGRY MAN super delux turkey TV dinners..
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... REdnecks at Halloween ...
you could be one if
when your wife puts on her costume it improves her looks
your nieghbors spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole cause you moved their outhouse back about four foot
your kids can't go door to door trick or treating cause there is no one within walking distance to hand out candy
The pumpkin on your porch has more teeth n your wife
ya can't wait for the hoe down
yer wife doubles as your scare crow
you don't need no mask..
One of yer kids is dressin up as Hank Williams Jr
Nobody will bring their kids to your house
you don't need a costume
everyone runs when they see you anyway
..redneks on vacation..
A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"
The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"
The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it." A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!" The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back."
The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!"
The bartenter, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.
The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"