...Windows 98 Recall........

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the REDNECK edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside the south. If you have one of the REDNECK editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The REDNECK edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.

It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive and floppies are them little ole plactic disc thangs.

Other features:

Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

Translations......

OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = aww shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
o to = over yonder
rt = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff at do
es stuff documents = stuff I done done

Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:

tiperiter...........a word processor
colering book.......a graphics program
addin mershene......calculator
outhouse paper .....notepad
jupe-box ...........CD Player
iner-net............Microsoft Explorer
pichers.............a graphics viewer
IRS.................M/S accounting software
IRS2................M/S accounting software with hidden files
Coon dog............American Kennel Club records
fishin..............Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
NRA.................National Rifle Association
shot gun ...........Remington Arms price list
riffel..............Winchester price list
pisstel.............Smith & Wesson price list
truck...............Ford & Chevrolet dealers in Alabama by zip code
house...............nearest mobile home repair service by zip code
car ................same as truck just need two list in Alabami
cuzzins.............family history (usually a 3 meg file)
tax records.........usually an empty file
shells..............ammunition inventory (another 3 meg file)
bud.................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
rasin...............NASCAR racing schedule (includes list of TV stations that carry the race)
car n truck parts...nearest junk yard by zip code
doc ................veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the REDNECK edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. No COD’S please